In the story appearing in the Standard Online, it is reported that UK, Saitoti and Kalonzo have apparently signed an MOU on the way forward for PNU in its quest to retain the presidency on its column.
I have taken the time to analyze the story and please allow me the pleasure to reveal to you what these politicians are actually saying:
“Kalonzo, Saitoti and I are candidates. The issue is to identify a candidate in an open process,” Uhuru said, adding that what mattered was a free and fair process.
Translation: “Kalonzo, Saitoti and I are candidates. If that’s not obvious to you, then I have something else coming for you: The issue is to identify a candidate in an “open” process, which means a process that favors my candidacy. It will only be a free and fair process, if I am nominated as the flag-bearer. Kalonzo is a lightweight compared to me, both in stature and financially. Saitoti is yesterday news and besides he, too, is a lightweight compared to me financially so I am the only one who can take this party to victory against Raila who is even more broke relatively speaking than these two wannabes. How can it therefore be a “fair and open” process, if I am not nominated?”
Mr Kalonzo said that the unity of the three presidential aspirants stands firm. “You have my personal commitment,” said Kalonzo.
Translation: “I know you know that I gave the same “personal commitment” to Raila, Ruto and Mudavadi in the run-up to the 2007 ODM nomination but I bolted the moment I concluded I had no chance of nomination with ODM. However, this is 2011. I am now a firm believer in keeping one’s word and I promise you I am not the traitor everyone thinks I am. You can trust me on my word this time around. Really; you have to because if you must know, no one else is going to. Raila cannot. Ruto cannot. But I must belong somewhere and this is it for me. I’ll do anything you want me to in exchange for something I ask a small favor of all of you: If I am not nominated for president in this alliance, which is not likely, anyway, can either of you who actually does get nominated please consider and pick me as your running mate? Please?”
Kalonzo added, “If we stand together, we will win. We should remove suspicions of any description to win.”
Translation: “As I have said, you have nothing to be suspicious about me; I am as reliable now as in not time in my life. However, I can’t say the same thing about the two of you; UK you have every reason to be suspicious of Saitoti, just as he has every reason to be suspicious of you so I doubt we are all three in the end going to stand together because if we do, that means one of us is not going to be president or vice president and I must be one, you see; I can’t demote myself from VP to nothing. All I am saying is, let’s stand together until nomination time. If either of you is nominated, just remember all I need is for you to consider and pick me for VP and that includes VP for the either of you who bolts, if not nominated so as far as I am concerned, if we stand together, meaning whichever one of you who picks me and I stand together, we will win”
Prof Saitoti said that it was only in unity that they would come up with a leader in 2012.
Translation: “I say let all the parties in the country unite and pick one candidate to run for president. I know that’s impossible, but at least that way I’ll not be the only one fuming about not getting picked with any party as their flag bearer.”
Saitoti, who is the PNU chairman, added he was committed to participate in the presidential nominations and would support the victor.
Translation: “I am so indifferent about this exercise, it really doesn’t matter to me who gets nominated and the only question I keep asking myself is, why me? How can I be this country’s Vice President and yet be treated as though I don’t exist? I know UK here is looking at me with contempt and not sure why but really, am I that bad? And you, Kalonzo, when I was VP, I did more in a day than you have done the entire time you have been VP and now you want to hold yourself as equal to me? I mean, how can I be this unfortunate in having all avenues to State House blocked by the likes of you. I’ll support anyone who gets nominated except for you, pal. And for you, UK, you had better make me your running mate otherwise, off to Central I go to mes up whatever chances you have of getting votes there!”
Peace, Love and Unity