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Uhuru Admits He and Jubilee Will Not Serve Kenyans

13 Jan

uhurudrunk

NAIROBI; KENYA:

Jubilee alliance has promised Kenyans that if elected, it will form a government that will not serve Kenyans and not fail to misuse them.

Speaking at Jubilee rally in Uhuru Park, Nairobi Kenya, on Saturday afternoon, Uhuru Kenyatta, the Jubilee alliance presidential candidate said that the main goal of Jubilee is to ensure there is no peace, unity and economic development in Kenya.

He spelt out issues that Jubilee government will deal with for instance, making sure he and his running mate, Ruto, don’t see the inside of jail in connection with their ongoing cases at the ICC.

“We will ignore poverty by setting industries that only serve our business interests and whereby the few youth we exploit in hiring them at penitence pay will become a permanent underpaid working class with no chance of escaping poverty,” said Uhuru adding that they will develop plans to loot from the public as never seen before.

Uhuru also stated that they will seek to dis-empower the youth and make sure people from marginalised areas remain so marginalized and have a country of dis-empowered women who will have no chance in anything, not even in the in the smothering of our economy.

On unity of Kenyans, Uhuru pointed out that only those who support his candidacy matter the rest he wouldn’t mind crushing them like little ants.

“We are not all Kenyans of equal measure despite ailing from different types,” he declared.

Uhuru urged Kenyans to remain united and embrace dialogue for peace and unity, which he said means not even saying “ngwe” about his candidature despite the fact he faces serious charges of committing crimes against humanity.

Urging Kenyans not to elect the right leaders, Uhuru told the gathering at Uhuru Park that Kenya does not need visionary leaders who will address issues facing citizens.

He assured that Jubillee will unite all people from key parts of the country to eke out a victory in March and agreed with those who say it’s wrong and unacceptable for him and Ruto to vie, asking, muta do?

On insecurity, he said nothing.

Concering ICC case, the Jubilee flagbearer noted that Kenyans should be left to decide on their leaders and emphasized that he and Ruto will exploit the ICC to the maximum in making sure their supporters are kept in the dark as to what’s really at stake with their candidature.

A confused bunch of people left the rally promising to look for other candidates who present better ideas and vision for the country.

“After hearing Uhuru speak today,” said one, “I told myself never again to let someone fool me the way this two have!”

“I am going to vote for Raila; nimeamua leo, leo, tu!”he emphatically added as he walked away and disappeared into a crowd that was chanting, “Raila, Raila, Raila!!”

***The foregoing is a parody of a Standard Online news story you can read here this is what the writer believes UK would have said were he to be intellectually honest.***

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4 Comments

Posted by on January 13, 2013 in Politics

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Uhuru Admits He and Jubilee Will Not Serve Kenyans

  1. Momanyi

    January 16, 2013 at 11:06 PM

    I find this article quité irrelevant and out to propagate animosity amongest kenyans of good faith.

     
  2. Omwega

    January 19, 2013 at 9:11 AM

    This is hate speech. I will report the site to the relevant authorities

     
  3. Samuel N. Omwenga

    January 19, 2013 at 5:59 PM

    Even though both of you are dead wrong, one of you is more dead wrong than the other and that is the one who thinks this particular blog is “hate speech;” it’s not and neither does saying you’ll report the site to the “relevant authorities” make it so.

    This is a respected blog with more than 600 subscribers, many of whom are Who Is Who in Kenyan business and political circles and is read by thousands of daily visitors.

    There are several reasons that is the case but posting of irrelevant things or propagation of hate speech is not any part of those reasons.

    Ati “Omwega;” I am laughing…ng’ai seino?

    Two Kisiis saying the same thing in one blog out of hundreds.

    What a coincidence.

    Not.

     
  4. Gerald Wabwire (@rapudity)

    January 22, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Mr Omwenga, I do not support the candidature of Hon. Uhuru Kenyatta. However I think your kind of writing will do worse for Kenya than the presidency of Uhuru Kenyatta.

     

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