[Phone rings] Hello.
Caller: Yes, can I talk to God?
Heaven: Who is calling?
Caller: Wycliffe here.
Heaven: Wycliffe who?
Caller: Sorry, Wycliffe Musalia Mudavadi
Heaven: May I inquire what it is you wish to talk to God about?
Mudavadi: Yes. You see, brother, I am in a big mess. You can say I am suffering immensely from self-inflicted wounds and I need divine intervention to heal the wounds and put my life back to order as it’s in a mess right now.
Heaven: How did you wound yourself?
Mudavadi: I first wounded myself back in 2002 when I was hoodwinked and badly misled by then president Moi to be Uhuru Kenyatta’s running mate. Uhuru and I went down like a tonne of bricks it took years for the wounds to start healing but even before I fully healed, I re-injured myself last April when I left the man who saved me from my last self-inflicted wound Raila. To make it even worse, I reloaded and shot myself again just a few weeks ago when the same Uhuru who had me shooting myself back in 2002 again had me shooting myself this time because I was twice as foolish in naively believing I had a deal with him to take over his money and supporters. So, I am at wits end here and can’t even sleep because I think this time I have really done myself in good I don’t think I’ll survive politically and thus my reason I am calling God for His intervention.
Heaven: Sorry to hear that. You’re not the first one to shoot yourself on the foot neither are you the only one licking self-inflicted wounds. Our switchboard is lit with thousands of calls ahead of you with people who have done the same thing that wish to talk to God but, since yours appear to be the worst among them all, I’ll advance your priority in line and now have you at #20. The other 19 have been waiting on line for weeks.
Just note it may be after March 4, 2013 when God finally gets to talk to you.
Mudavadi: Wait a minute [talking on the other line: what? I have a call from the devil? What does he want?…oh; tell him to hold]
Sir, never mind. I’ll call back later.